Hope was excited to get my letter and apparently liked my picture. Things were going just fine until she got to a line in my letter in which I expressed excitement about tucking my kid in at night.
Whoops! I stumbled on my first tween-angst-filled rock on the path. Sigh.
Now I know that tweens are probably more like, “Get off me, get off me, get off me!” at bedtime rather than, “Hey will you read me a story?” What I meant to convey was that I enjoy the ritual of just saying good night to family members at the end of the day. When I’m visiting my parents I make a point of kissing them good night before we all retire for the evening. It’s not all smoochy, smoochy, tuck you in kinda stuff, but it’s just a family acknowledgement of affection. But with Hope it was clear that my excitement of kissing my 12 year old kid was not cool. I sent the wrong message.
Well, in tween fashion, Hope let us all know that she wasn’t down with the “tucking in” stuff in a literal way. She wondered if I really wanted a younger daughter instead of her. Good grief, <crack> minor heartbreak, followed by lots of reassuring that no, I want Hope, in all her tween-esque, “please don’t reject me” glory. I’m reading the update also in my own “please don’t reject me” glory.
We’ll have to create our family rituals. It’s all good. It did feel like I made my first big stumble though. I don’t want to upset Hope, and I certainly don’t want to scare her. I have a feeling that my new adoptive mom angst combined with her tween, adoptive kid angst is going to lead to a few episodes of Foot in Mouth Syndrome (FMS) for us both. It is ok, it’s natural, right? It doesn’t feel all that great for this natural overachiever, but it’s ok. I can take it.
The good news is that it isn’t all stumbling over rocks, she does like me.
Hope likes me.
Apparently she talks about me all the time (see we have something in common—I talk about Hope obsessively). She wasn’t as anxious this week, and she’s eager to learn more about me, about my life and potentially, our life.
Two steps forward, one stumble, but no ground loss…I think, we’ll see.
And so, now we’re back to just waiting until the next update. Waiting blows.