No New Friends

So apparently there’s a Drake song called No New Friends.  I tried to read the lyrics, and I came to the conclusion that yeah, apparently hip hop is dead.  Ick.  Just horrid.  Still the title is apropos for this post.

Hope is mad.  Her words, not mine.  Actually she’s furious and she’s scared.

I thought she was still mad about the detention/sentence fiasco from last week.  Sunday, she barely spoke to me.  Yesterday, after a little reassurance (receiving some pictures from our trip in the mail) she blurted out:

“I don’t want to move.”

I clicked off the TV in the background, and turned off the light so that I could really focus on what she was about to say.  I also took a deep breath so I could steal my nerves and hold back tears.

Hope explained that she didn’t want to leave her friends; she’d left so many friends with each previous move. “Sometimes I don’t make any new friends, and it’s sad.  I don’t want to leave anymore friends. I don’t want to move.”


I told her I that I heard her, and I understand.  Intellectually I get it, but I never moved when I was a kid so I have zero frame of reference.  As an adult, I’ve moved to go to college but I’ve lived in the same city for now more than 20 years and have accumulated friends throughout that time.  I’ve had friends move away, but I never did.  On that core level, I can only imagine what a nightmare moving again must feel like to her.

Hope also explained that she was afraid of starting a new school where she didn’t know anything and where they are very probably working on things she’s not working.  She didn’t want to fail school on top of everything else.

Oh great, no new friends and performance anxiety.  I’d be pissed too.

I dropped her therapist an email this morning to let her know that Hope was pretty anxious about the move.  Within two hours we were setting up a two week trip to Virginia for Hope and me.  In fact, we’ll be dining on turkey and all the fixings while plotting and scheming for Black Friday next month.  That’s right: Hope is coming home for her first Thanksgiving.

Not only will she be able to have some time in what will eventually become our natural environment, but she will get to meet some family and do some sightseeing and shopping.  Most importantly, we will have a chance to visit the school she will attend in the New Year, get set up at the local recreational center, have an opportunity to create our own traditions and rhythms and just have some extended time to bond.

She’ll then get to go home for a couple of weeks before she heads back here for good.  Hopefully this will help.

I’m excited for us.  I’m feeling fortunate to be surrounded by a supportive agency and to work with a jurisdiction that is so responsive to our needs.  I never anticipated that my email would result in such an amazing development.

I hope she once here for more than just a few days that she realizes that she will have more family than she’s ever known and the basis for some good friendships to nurture when she returns in December.


About AdoptiveBlackMom

I'm a single Black professional woman living in the DC area. I adopted my now adult daughter in 2014, and this blog chronicles my journey. Feel free to contact me at, on Facebook at Adoptive Black Mom, and on Twitter @adoptiveblkmom. ©, 2013-2022. All rights reserved. (Don't copy my ish without credit!) View all posts by AdoptiveBlackMom

One response to “No New Friends

  • Desert Rose

    i am SO excited about Hope coming to see you over turkey day, YAY! Things are moving along so quickly!

    I can’t presume to understand what Hope has been through in her life, but I see the same angst in her as I have my own kid when moving multiple times as a military kid (8 moves in 15 years including 2 overseas). Thanks to technology, she can Skype, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc with her friends and at the beginning of the move, she spends more time doing that than finding new friends. But eventually she connects with others and the tether back to the last hometown gets longer and longer. Here is a good website for our kids about moving, etc, maybe you could find some good resources through military sites about the upheaval and feelings associated with moving far away and starting over. Doing this during the school year can be much better than in the summer since there is instant structure and lots of activities. Summer gives them too much time to sit around and feel sorry for themselves (while eating junk food in front of the computer or TV 😉

    Keep us posted on the visit and congrats on matching with such a great kid!!!

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