Struggle Sundays

I struggle with Sundays. To some degree I have always struggled with them because I get anxious about starting the new week. A good chunk of the day is usually spent in church; another chunk on grocery shopping. In recent years I would be stressing about finishing a paper for school. Earlier this year it was one of the two days a week I felt like I was winning the battle through Hope’s transition.

What Sundays Feel Like for ABM.

What Sundays Feel Like for ABM.

I’m not exactly sure why I struggle with Sunday’s now. I am short tempered; easily triggered. I almost feel twitchy; like I’ve had too much caffeine, though I tend to lay off the stuff a bit on the weekends. I can be short with Hope. I really just want to be left alone. Over the months, Hope has kind of learned to migrate to her room to veg on TV, puzzles and other games on Sundays, leaving me in quiet solitude.

Yeah, it doesn’t help. Then I feel guilty because I should be spending time with her.

I wonder if I have too much time to think. During the week I just move from task to task, event to event. Saturdays are our bonding/adventure days. Sundays are slow. I do much more reflecting on Sundays. I dissect the good, the bad and the ugly.

212814-winnie-the-pooh-think-think-think

On Sundays I think I have time to miss my pre-Hope life. I have time to fret about how my parenting is perceived. I have time to reflect on criticisms and perceived slights. I have time to ponder what it means to parent a child who has experienced deep trauma. I have time pick at emotional wounds. I have time to extrapolate them into things much bigger than they probably should be. I have time to allow anger to bloom. I have time to miss spending time with Elihu.

Sundays are the days when I get to feel the full weight of being a parent, a single parent, a single adoptive parent, a single adoptive parent of a child who has experienced what Hope has experienced. Sundays are the days when I allow myself to feel the full weight of just being overwhelmed.

Ugh!

Ugh!

I also feel pretty alone on Sundays.

I don’t know why I don’t spend more time considering the wins of week or the growth I see in my daughter on Sundays. I’m really good at that Monday through Saturday. I can’t seem to do it on Sunday. I don’t know if my mind and my body just needs to feel it all on Sundays or what.

I don’t really know why I’m so crabby on Sundays, but trust that my struggle is super real on Sundays.

I hope a time will come when Sundays just don’t suck so much.

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About AdoptiveBlackMom

I'm a single Black professional woman living in the DC area. I adopted tween a few years ago, and this blog chronicles our journey. Feel free to contact me at adoptiveblackmom@gmail.com, on Facebook at Adoptive Black Mom, and on Twitter @adoptiveblkmom. ©www.AdoptiveBlackMom.com, 2013-2016. All rights reserved. (Don't copy my ish without credit!) View all posts by AdoptiveBlackMom

9 responses to “Struggle Sundays

  • AdoptiveNYMomma

    I hear you and some times join you here. Be gentle with yourself it will get easier.

  • momto3sugars

    Weekends are very very hard when you are single parenting… I do NOT even think I rank anywhere close to you with what you do as a single parent… But I sort of get the whole weekend thing with my hubby being away this year and being a “geographically” single parent… It’s hard! You’re doing great and remember, everyone needs a break… Even Hope needs a break from you. Both of you deserve a day to veg out and relax… Try not to feel guilty about it! 🙂

    • AdoptiveBlackMom

      Momto3sugars–I admire you and your hubby so much. I live in an area with lots of military families, and I see a lot of “geographically” single parents. I’ve witnessed that struggle and that resilience–I need a piece of that! 🙂 You’re awesome. 🙂 As always thanks for your whole family’s service–you all are making a sacrifice.

      Thanks for echoing the sentiment that vegging can be a good thing.

  • Mimi

    Why did that picture make me think about your dammit doll? I also noticed that her hair is glorious. It’s so bouncy and full of life. But I digress.

    I related to your Sunday Struggle days. It is the day before Monday and the race starts all over again. Parenting can sometimes feel like the same thing over and over. Yep, I said it. It can be awesomely life-affirming and life-changing but it can also feel like a repeat of the week before.

    No advice here. Just a commiserating heart. And maybe a reminder to myself (and anyone who happens to own this blog :0)that Sunday can also be a renewal day and not to be too hard on myself.

    • AdoptiveBlackMom

      I know…her hair is fabulous! If my hair had been bouncy like that I might have kept more of it! #hairenvy #dammitdollsrule

      A day of renewal–sometimes that really is a day of vegging. I must remember that. Thanks, Mimi!

  • Moore Than Fashion

    No advice here either but don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m not a parent….yet so I can’t say that I can relate on that level but I kind of go through the same thing on Sunday’s; anticipating all that I have to do during the upcoming work week. During the week we move from one thing to another almost like robots, not thinking too much past the task that we are working on but on Sundays we have time to sit and think. Just let it happen, try not to worry too much about it you are doing just great!

  • A Year Gone By | AdoptiveBlackMom

    […] I wondered that the devil I was doing with this mothering thing. […]

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