Hope is reconsidering boarding school. She acknowledges that she thrived there academically and that it provides all the stuff she needs to be successful except being at home. She seems to really want to go.
So, at Hope’s request, she’d love all of you good folks to weigh in. That’s right, Hope has asked me to crowdsource votes on going to boarding school vs. her home school.
Some considerations to consider…
Home school offers
- Her band
- Her counselor
- Social connections (friends might be a stretch, but kids she knows)
- Routine
- Being at home with me and Yappy
- Time *away* from school
Boarding school offers
- Smaller classes
- Fewer classes
- A lot of structure
- A different kind of routine
- Opportunities for travel
- Opportunities to come home for respite
Sure, there’s a lot of other stuff both offer in terms of emotional needs and wants, but these are the things she’s focused on this weekend. We hope to make a final decision and let both schools know by Tuesday COB! Sooooo…vote! 😊
We’ll report back early next week! Thanks for weighing in!
The Final Tally
AdoptiveBlackMom 
August 3rd, 2018 at 6:10 pm
I cannot seem to vote and add comments on my phone. So I’ll leave my comment here.
When I was a teenager, after my mom and sister died and my dad remarried I begged my dad and now stepmom to send me to boarding school. And when I say begged, I mean full on begged. Now I was not in the same situation as Hope, but I also wasnt in a great situation either. Anyways they said no. At the time I never understood, but now I realize if I had left for 3 years i would never have been part of our family the way I am today because I would never have actually lived with my step-mom and step-siblings. That family dynamic, as screwed up as it was, was necessary for our family in the long run.
All that said, I know mine and hopes situation were/are very different. And I don’t think it’s a yes/no answer. I think it’s a lot of soul searching for both of you. And I’ll leave it with 3 questions, in 15 years what do you think will have been the best decision for hope? For you? And for you as a family?
August 3rd, 2018 at 6:28 pm
Yes! It is a very complicated decision. I worry about whether she will remain attached to me and our family. I want her to have a great opportunity, but not at the expense of us. It’s tough, but I put it out as a y/n at her request. Thanks so much for this. I will share it with her!
August 8th, 2018 at 11:15 am
I would say that my experience of boarding school for 3 years strengthened my relationship with my mom as it separated us from daily conflict. It took some pressure off of her as well in terms of anxiety around watching over my school work on a day to day basis. When I was home, we could focus on family together time in a different way.
August 4th, 2018 at 9:47 am
I can’t do a yes/no. My pros/cons below for what it’s worth.
I see benefits: Learning how to stick to a commitment, having to push yourself to make sure things get done (procrastinator here) and that might be really beneficial throughout life. Forcing yourself to make new friends (scary for me). Learning how to stop and figure out what is in your best interests long-term instead of quickly making decisions. It will increase your independence, but I think you’ve proven you’re strong already just being where you are right now in life.
I see downsides: Loosing some of the connection between mom/daughter where it is today, yes, we all have to gradually pull away becoming an adult, but this might be pushing it too early based solely on length of time together. I say that without knowing you in-person but with the hindsight of being old (and adopted) that mom (or dad) connection matters more with each passing year. Also, consider how much (or little) loosing the connection to your current school mates will cost you, now, 10 years from now – will you gain enough new connections to have a feeling of being connected (hope that makes sense). I see it would be very easy to slide without an active support (mom) checking in and how damaging it would be to your sense of self, you might not like being pushed (I didn’t) but hindsight – I should have been pushed harder.
Best advice: If you were willing to commit to being held accountable and committed to achieving all the benefits with set penalties at home – I think being home and grounded at this point may very well be your biggest benefit you’ll ever have in life. Having a rock-solid relationship between the two of you is very important and I think you probably already appreciate that as it is now. Only you (and mom) know in your heart the best course – dig deep and go with that little voice telling you the truth.
Hard decision in a very short time – best to you in making it, good for you to even be considering the stretching of your wings, you’re brave.
August 4th, 2018 at 10:52 am
my vote is no, based on my strong gut feeling that it is important for Hope to be home with you a little longer, after so many years of not having that safe home. But I also think Hope is very brave to be considering this, and is showing a lot of maturity in her thinking about all this. Hope, good for you. I think you will find the best decision for yourself.
August 4th, 2018 at 8:22 pm
My yes vote was in large part due to how much struggle has been involved in attending home school to date. However, that info is from the blog only, not a comprehensive picture of course. If boarding school is fairly close by, it seems to me possible that mom/Hope relationship could grow rather than suffer from switch to boarding school with frequent visits. More of the holding accountable, setting expectations (academic, self care, maintenance of space) is off loaded to professionals and more parent-child time goes to basic love and support. That seems kind of ideal. Very best of luck!!!