So, when parents talk about demonstrating tough love with their kids, they usually don’t talk about how tough it is
Hope has a lemon of a car. We need to get rid of that car asap before the tariffs really kick in early May.
It’s a foreign car that’s already very costly to maintain and repair. And…it’s currently “not safe to drive” due to it’s high rate of breakdown in the middle of the street. We put several thousand into the car last fall in repairs, and now it’s down again.
We need to get rid of this car.
I recently laid out what I was willing to contribute and that I was willing to cosign, and well I was accused of only caring about money. I just want her in a safe car that she can afford with minimal assistance…which lead to my own commentary about work ethic and hustle drive.
So, now I’m over here fretting about broaching the subject again or letting the natural consequences play out (ie, do nothing, watch prices soar and the ability to get into something affordable slip away). I see either scenario as costing me emotionally or financially.
And my biases aren’t helping me.
If Hope was a college grad, working hard I know what I would do, easy peasy. And as much as I say I’ve made peace with the path she chose, I haven’t. I’m still very much a work in progress. If she was addressing her mental health issues, I know what I would do; again much easier choice.
But after my own therapy appointment, I know that those scenarios aren’t in play, that I am grappling with letting Hope feel the full weight of her decisions, and that while I want to be committed to that, I am anxious about the blowback. I’m already on my own struggle bus and taking measures to save myself in the midst of the crazy. I’m just worried because it all seems like so much….
You know, while also watching the US do whatever TF we’re doing over here. #maddening.
We need to get rid of this car.
We have 16 days until the next wave of tariffs that will drive car prices and parts up dramatically.
Not sure what to do: Something or nothing…
AdoptiveBlackMom 
April 22nd, 2025 at 11:11 pm
I have no advice. I do understand the whole subject is difficult and complex and more multifaceted than is shareable. I do not know what I would do in your place. Safety strikes me as super important, but I think it is easy to say but the complexity makes it hard to know how to implement. Cars can be unsafe physically and also in where they take a person.
So all I am sure about is that your situation is very hard. There are probably no perfect options available. It is scary hard. I can simply send my support and caring to you. And hopes for a future with peace and love and kindness and justice and safety. That I wish for us all. Hope your extended family is all well. Be safe.
October 11th, 2025 at 7:33 pm
I keep coming back and looking. Would like to know you and your extended family are ok and relatively safe. You are often thought of and cared about. Not sure that helps but sending good wishes for all of us. All the un-say-able things.
October 11th, 2025 at 8:12 pm
I’ll be back!!