This post should be called, Why ABM can’t get several half written posts finished and why her pre-production work for Add Water and Stir lays waste in her email box or even Single AdoptiveBlackMom Chronicles But, um, those are kinda long and we’ve already established that things are crazy. I’m on a layover for a 4.5 day work trip and things today were best characterized as mayhem.
5:30am Get up to do hair.
6:30am Wake Hope up because she keeps psyching me out by uninstalling the obnoxious alarm app on her phone and turns down the alarm clock alarm so she can claim it doesn’t work.
6:45am Put on workout clothes and walk Yappy.
7:00am Hope announces that she has been invited to a recent HS grads house to watch movies and inquires if she can go, but has no details—like not a one and drops an attitude because I am like—you now want to crash at a friends when I have to pay a nanny to stay here with you and Yappy tonight?????
7:01am ABM loses ish for the first time of the day.
7:02am Hope slams a door in ABM’s house.
7:02.5am “Don’t slam doors in my house!” While slamming the door to my bedroom.
7:03am Takes a deep breath. Begins to change bedding, organizes all ensembles to be packed in stacks on freshly made bed.
7:30am Starts getting breakfast together and continues organizing, mumbles random list of things to be done.
8:00am Snaps at Hope because she is dragging arse and we need to get out of the house for the day.
8:30am Drops Hope off and heads to Starbucks for café-crack and to the bank for nanny money.
9:00am Starts tidying the house, laundry and getting the nanny stuff together for the weekend. Begins to work out with today’s nanny that Hope wants to hang out with a friend, but nah she can’t stay and yeah, I still have to pay. At least she can take Yappy to the park; he’ll be delighted.
10:00am Starts getting anxious because things are behind schedule and Hope has to be picked up at noon. My flight leaves at 2:30pm so I need to transition to shower, closing the suit case, etc.
10:05AM Work underling keeps calling and asking me to read drafts of things his UPenn-masters-degree-having-arse should be able to send without me laying eyes on the documents; I mean, why is he here if he can’t do that with confidence???
10:08am ABM’s second meltdown of the day.
10:15am There’s a bathroom leak and not really time for another meltdown.
10:30am Sits down to respond to a couple of emails and check in for her flight.
10:35am Wait, does that say my flight LANDS in TX at 2:30pm?
10:35.30am Realizes that flight actually departs in less than 2 hours.
10:35.45am ABM’s quickest meltdown in the history of meltdowns. Strings together impressive array of foul language in a short period of time.
10:36am Things are blurry.
11:11am Showered, stuff shoved into suitcase and briefcase and purse, makeup splashed on, Yappy kissed and tricked into the bathroom, calls made from shower to Hope, nannies and Grammy, I Mario Andretti into a parking space at the airport.
DO NOT ASK ABOUT SPEEDS, EYELINER ACCURACY OR THE VERY QUESTIONABLE DECISION TO PUT BLUSH ON.
11:40am Having flirted shamelessly with anyone who can help me I check in, upgrade and get beyond security, and with chicken shwarma to go in hand, I finally take a breath.
And it’s only 3:30pm.
Dear Holy Homeboy help me.