Holiday Blues

This is a difficult time of year for me. I struggle. I struggle a lot.

The lack of long days of sunlight zaps my energy. The cold slows me down. I fall into a nasty cycle of eating yummies and then feeling awful about the eating and my body, remnants of a long ago raging eating disorder. I love shopping, but having to shop annoys me and stresses me out.

I like holiday decorations in other people’s homes; I would just prefer to not.

There’s a lot of grief, and there is a lot of loss this time of year as well. I think a lot about the loss. There were family, friends, parents of friends…Last year one of my exes passed away; we split nearly a decade ago. It was a sad, sad breakup. I am still stunned by how the grief associated with his death lingers.

It’s been…difficult.

But I’m trying.

I’m going to those therapy appointments.

I’m doing some meal planning.

I’m doing a few exercise videos a day to get some movement in.

I bought one of those therapy lights.

I’m knitting a lot.

I did most of my shopping online and sprung for gift wrap and just sent the stuff to folks so I didn’t have to carry it.

I’m binging funny shows on Netflix.

Hope is home, and I’m enjoying having her home. She’s glad to be home, but like me, this is a difficult time of year.

So, we’re going through some motions around these parts.

It’s ok. It really is. This will pass, and we will triumph again.

Take care of yourselves out there, and happy holidays.