Button Lessons

During the pandemic I took up a bunch of hobbies, among them was teaching Yappy to use buttons to communicate. It was a slow process  because terriers can be stubborn little terrors and dog moms can have unreasonable expectations.

It was definitely a new lesson in patience. I had to change my behavior, and I had to reward him repeatedly. Dogs processing language time is slower; I had to learn to wait for as long as a minute for Yappy to respond to a query. Eventually I improved and communication was on.

It was almost a year before he took to then. Today he has 18 buttons, and we’ve burned through two treat and play buttons due to frequent/excessive use. 🙄😂

I learned a lot from this process. Yappy loves being talked to, and I suspect his actual understood vocabulary is much more vast than his button board. He loves play, is super food motivated, that he hates when I leave but will ask for a treat when I go. His personality has a lot more depth than I ever knew, and when he uses the “love you” button I positively swoon.

Seriously, don’t you want your pet to tell you they love you? It’s frigging amazing.

And today, I stumbled over this video.

And OMG!

A few weeks ago, Yappy was begging for treats like he hadn’t eaten in days. I was working from home and found the begging so annoying. During the begging, he said “love you” then, after getting a positive reaction, immediately hit the treat button.

Great, somehow he had learned the art of manipulation. I joked about it with my colleagues who were on zoom at the time. When I ended my call, Yappy said “Concerned. Hungry.”

Y’all, the guilt I felt because I didn’t understand why he was begging for treats. I gave him a communication tool that he used appropriately in his time of need, and I’d gaslit him by saying he was being manipulative.

Well damn. I suck.

Then I saw this video, and got to thinking about the ways in which I could’ve parented much better. Like, how many times might I have I gaslit Hope when saying she could tell me anything? How many times did I not contextualize her behaviors when she wasn’t able to verbally say what she was feeling? How many times did I jump to a conclusion about what she was trying to say without giving her enough time to process?

This was a brutal reminder of some of my own parenting shortcomings. No worries, I’m ok, not beating myself up too much. But definitely a healthy reality check.

And a reminder of the growth I have seen in myself. Far from anything remotely perfect, but way better than I used to be. Hope has grown too, and after last year’s crazy drama, I feel like we are stronger than ever and more compassionate with one another than ever. That feels good.

But I’m still glad I saw this. I already needed a reminder to be better. Not because I forget but because I never want to.