Things around this neck of the woods have been busy. I’m back to traveling and doing a lot of public speaking. Hope is working more, and she’s still searching for a better job. We are actually busy these days.
Surprisingly, not so busy that we aren’t both home in the evenings just being. Both of us are recovering from relationship drama, and frankly, I’m realizing that I have to really work hard to be the social person I was pre-pandemic. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to friend and go out and have fun.
I reached out to a friend I’ve known for nearly 30 years with whom I trade memes daily but hadn’t seen since before COVID this week. It was great to reconnect–we talked for nearly 4 hours and were texting when we got home about stuff we talked about.
It was wonderful, and I was happy that I reached out and said, let’s go out. We both needed it.
For her part, Hope is becoming a lot more social and trying to learn how to be a good friend. Friendships can be hard for her. Her expectations are super high, which isn’t bad, but her picker hasn’t always been great at choosing folks who share her outlook on friendships. It’s been nice to see her stretch, though.
I, of course, still worry, but I also realize she has a much better recovery skill set than she did before. I am really encouraged.
In fact, I am really starting to think she will be ok. Like, not gonna lie, there have been times when I’ve been like….hmmm, I dunno. But I’m seeing her change a lot this year. It’s pretty cool.
We are still in a good, healthy place. I still wait for shoes to drop, but I’m now convinced that’s because aspects of parenting–and specifically parenting a child with trauma–are just traumatic on their own. I’m still kind of hyper-vigilant. I’m on my own healing journey with that.
Hope recently turned 22. I upgraded her bed from a twin to a queen-sized bed for her birthday. She was like a little kid at Christmas–so excited! We put it together, and I got all new bedding for her. She’s now making plans for how she will make over her room. It really is exciting to see this evolution.
Yappy is doing his thing–being sweet and cuddly. Not sure what I’d do without him; he really is a doll. Did I mention that he inspired my little Etsy shop? Feel free to pop over and check it out. Crochet has become one of my creative outlets during the last year, and Yappy has been sweet enough to indulge me with inspiration.
Anyway, we’re doing our thing and just…doing life!
Be well and have a wonderful summer!
AdoptiveBlackMom 
July 12th, 2023 at 9:27 pm
Thank you so much for writing. I was thinking you had gone away and were not coming back and have wondered a great deal how things were going for you both. It was so encouraging to hear you two are both coming out on the right side of hard parent/child times. I thought you would, but sometimes life happens in unexpected ways. Last summer things were so fraught. Growing up is hard, growing up with trauma is harder and so difficult to understand as each person’s trauma is different from other’s experiences and reactions to events.
Clearly both of you have learned a lot more about adoption and living with trauma; I don’t know if any of that can be generalized as wisdom to share here. And personal privacy is critically important to protect. If you wrote about what you looking back now wish you had known before , I would appreciate reading and learning. But not asking you to take any of this on as that is not my place and you have other needs of your own to meet.
Simply: THANK YOU for all you have taught.
July 12th, 2023 at 10:12 pm
Ohhhh, thanks for this. So many lessons, so many reflections. This is a much needed prompt! Stay tuned!