Tag Archives: Adoption Placements

Placement Life

Hope is home.

The last 48 hours have been good.  My anxiety level is way lower than it was when she came to visit and I was terrified of messing up.  Sure, I’m anxious, but it’s not what it was.  I’m no longer terrified.  We’ll be ok.

On day one, she wanted to nest at home.  We had our belated Christmas with some presents.  We established some ground rules and expectations that we can build on.  We watched movies, had cocoa and just chilled.  The highlight of the day was when I beat the brakes off of her in Hip Hop Dance Experience on Wii.  If you are in your late 30s and early 40s, you must get this game for your gaming system.  As Hope says, the playlist is BOMB! The game has hip hop songs from the 90s until present.  I was jamming, do you hear me?  JAMMING!  I tried to let her win but then she got mad because she didn’t want a mercy win.  I eventually stopped playing so she could just rack up some points.  I will be secretly up at night playing this game just so I can get my groove on.  Seriously, I sweat my hair out!

We successfully got through our first social worker home visit today and I got the binder for the disclosures.  Honestly—it’s a huge ridiculous binder of every piece of paper captured about her.  I haven’t dug into it yet; I figure I’ll do a little at a time.

The WA social worker is moving to finalize in May, very early and possibly in time for us to just be able to fly out without needing permission for my graduation.  Well there’s motivation to finish, right?

I’m fully aware that we are honeymooning.  We’ve had a couple of tense moments, but no meltdowns.  Everyone recovers quickly.

I think we’re going to be ok.

So I always like to take a minute to reflect on what I’m learning on this journey, so here’s my current list and other random musings about Placement Life:

  • Being called mom, even when she’s pissed, is really frigging awesome. I doubt that it will ever get old.
  • Having the extended visit helped a lot.  I can’t imagine being as keyed up as I was 2 months ago knowing that she wasn’t leaving so I could get myself together.  I got a lot of angst out of my system during and after that visit.
  • The fatigue isn’t as bad either.  Hope’s week night bedtime is 9:30.  Typing that is almost like typing a prayer.  Amen.
  • I am not going to break Hope.  She’s a resilient little someone.  I will be good to her.  I’m sure I will mess up royally from time to time, but she’s going to be ok.  She realizes that this is the real deal and she’s here to stay.
  • I’m learning that saying no is easier than I thought.  I have to say no a lot as she tests boundaries.
  • Poor thing thinks I’ m not drinking because I haven’t used her wine stopper.  If she only knew…
  • I managed not to freak out when eavesdropping on her phone call to a friend last night during which they compared the kissing skills of some boy who apparently hasn’t yet finessed his technique to exclude gnawing off the lips of his paramour.  Technically I wasn’t eavesdropping since she had the phone on speaker <shrug>.  The conversation was hilarious with a capital H, until I was like when the devil did you kiss some boy and almost lose your lips?
  • I was internally gleeful to win at Wii.  I was also stunned by her growth in not having a meltdown about winning, even if it was a mercy win.
  • She trusts me.  That will grow.  That’s cool.

We’re good.  Tomorrow is another nesting day.  Hopefully we’ll be able to get registered for school on Monday.

We’re doing fine.

And I’m waiting for a shoe to drop.  I’m ready.


Paperwork, Schmaperwork

“I honestly can’t tell you how long it will take. “

~~My adoption agency

Nothing says “we want this family thing to happen” like waiting on a mess of bureaucrats sign sheets of paper to keep things moving along.

It’s really likely that Hope will not be home for Christmas.


After several months of anticipating the permanent placement of my kiddo in time for Christmas, I accepted the reality that this may not happen today.  It really is like Santa is dropping off a bag of coal at Casa ABM this year.

So Hope’s home state still hasn’t sent the paperwork to my state to do the initial contract, and until that happens the actual ICPC paperwork just languishes.  Oh sure, there are promises on all sides that the paperwork will get pushed through, but…really, who am I kidding?  I am not sure I believe that it’s going to happen with 26 business days left before Christmas.

I want to have faith in my own Christmas miracle, but with my and Hope’s faith resting in some papers on a desk somewhere out there, my faith is a bit shook.

The paper pushers have turned me into a Doubting Thomas.


Except that it’s not.  Damn, you Adoption Boogey Man.

How sad will it be to have to take Hope back to her foster family without having any idea when she will be home permanently?  She’s packing and I’m prepping, and there’s a stack of papers somewhere that we’re hoping someone picks up, signs and FedEx’s somewhere to the next person who needs to rifle around their desk, pick them up and sign them, and again send them somewhere.

Both Hope’s and my anxiety levels are running high.  I’m already sad about having to take her back before she even arrives.  I don’t want to.  I just don’t want to.  I just want her to stay here with me and The Furry One.  I just want to start grappling with our stuff together and getting on with our life.

I worry about what the delays will mean for her and what she will make of them.  Our little family is totally dependent on other folks doing a bunch of paperwork.  She’s young and a bit immature and will she blame someone?  Will she blame me?  For her little circle of friends and frenemies to whom she’s bragged about being adopted since September, will she have to save face about coming back and not really moving for however long this takes?  Will her anxiety and behavior worsen (the anxiety is really starting to get to her)?  Will this make us take longer to discover our version of normal?

Will my heart break after spending two weeks living and loving this kid only to take her back and not have any idea when that obnoxiously pink room will be filled with her tween laughter and sulking again?  How will I focus on anything after a two week taste of being a family and then not have her with me for however long this takes?  Will Christmas even feel like Christmas after I said I would decorate (I loathe decorating the house)?  Is there even a need for me to drag out Christmas decorations?  I guess I can put that decision off for a while.

I don’t like this one stinking bit.  Not one bit.

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