Tag Archives: ICPC Paperwork

A Year in the Life

One year ago today I dropped my initial application to my adoption agency older child adoption program in the mail.   Within two weeks I’d met with the program director and since a PRIDE course was about to start, I was able to jump right onto a fast track.  I had the pre-home study paperwork in the mail by early April and my home study visits started in May.  My home study was finalized on June 28th.

On June 30th my agency sent Hope’s profile.  It was the first profile that I received in my search.  An excerpt from the original email:

“Her profile and caseworker have shared that she is funny and charming, likes swimming, singing, step and going to church, and does well with family pets…She is eager to have a mother.”

I received profiles after Hope’s, but I only had to formally say no to one on August 16thThe First (and only) No broke my heart.

On August 27th, all the decision makers had a conference call about me and Hope.  Apparently they didn’t have an available conference phone in Washington so this was our rigged conference.

Phone-Hopecall

I said yes to the invitation to adopt Hope on August 29th, just 34 weeks after I started this process.

We’ve traveled many miles and talked many hours on the phone since August 29th.  On Christmas Eve she tried out calling me Mom for the first time.  It’s been a really, really emotional time. And it’s about to get really, real!

Today, just one year after it all started, the ICPC came through.  Hope is moving to VA in two weeks, and our plan is to finalize the adoption by the end of June.

It is exciting and scary and amazing and scary and love and just really, really cool (first understatement of the year).

So, I’ve got two weeks of childlessness to push out most of the rest of this dissertation and start the next chapter.

Happy New Year,

ABM


Paperwork, Schmaperwork

“I honestly can’t tell you how long it will take. “

~~My adoption agency

Nothing says “we want this family thing to happen” like waiting on a mess of bureaucrats sign sheets of paper to keep things moving along.

It’s really likely that Hope will not be home for Christmas.

<sob>

After several months of anticipating the permanent placement of my kiddo in time for Christmas, I accepted the reality that this may not happen today.  It really is like Santa is dropping off a bag of coal at Casa ABM this year.

So Hope’s home state still hasn’t sent the paperwork to my state to do the initial contract, and until that happens the actual ICPC paperwork just languishes.  Oh sure, there are promises on all sides that the paperwork will get pushed through, but…really, who am I kidding?  I am not sure I believe that it’s going to happen with 26 business days left before Christmas.

I want to have faith in my own Christmas miracle, but with my and Hope’s faith resting in some papers on a desk somewhere out there, my faith is a bit shook.

The paper pushers have turned me into a Doubting Thomas.

Awesome.

Except that it’s not.  Damn, you Adoption Boogey Man.

How sad will it be to have to take Hope back to her foster family without having any idea when she will be home permanently?  She’s packing and I’m prepping, and there’s a stack of papers somewhere that we’re hoping someone picks up, signs and FedEx’s somewhere to the next person who needs to rifle around their desk, pick them up and sign them, and again send them somewhere.

Both Hope’s and my anxiety levels are running high.  I’m already sad about having to take her back before she even arrives.  I don’t want to.  I just don’t want to.  I just want her to stay here with me and The Furry One.  I just want to start grappling with our stuff together and getting on with our life.

I worry about what the delays will mean for her and what she will make of them.  Our little family is totally dependent on other folks doing a bunch of paperwork.  She’s young and a bit immature and will she blame someone?  Will she blame me?  For her little circle of friends and frenemies to whom she’s bragged about being adopted since September, will she have to save face about coming back and not really moving for however long this takes?  Will her anxiety and behavior worsen (the anxiety is really starting to get to her)?  Will this make us take longer to discover our version of normal?

Will my heart break after spending two weeks living and loving this kid only to take her back and not have any idea when that obnoxiously pink room will be filled with her tween laughter and sulking again?  How will I focus on anything after a two week taste of being a family and then not have her with me for however long this takes?  Will Christmas even feel like Christmas after I said I would decorate (I loathe decorating the house)?  Is there even a need for me to drag out Christmas decorations?  I guess I can put that decision off for a while.

I don’t like this one stinking bit.  Not one bit.


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