I know I have stopped writing as frequently. I hope to really embrace writing again in 2021, but this year my brain was already at max cap.
Anyhoo, we are surviving. Some days are better than others, and this time of year can be emotionally challenging during regular times. I have enjoyed a lot of downtime this week and still have another week off. I really needed this time, and Hope has needed me with fewer distractions.
So about this robe… About 5 years ago we were picking up some things at Walmart. Hope spotted these robes and beelined to them. She played in the racks; she rubbed the robes on her face. She begged for me to buy her one.
I scrunched up my nose. This robe was cheap velour with a front zipper and a nehro collar.
In short, it was your grandma’s winter house coat. I was like, “Um that’s kinda old for you. It’s kinda a granny robe.”
Hope saw something different.
She saw luxury.
She saw comfort.
She saw functionality.
So, I bought her one. And she loved it. She’s asked and received a new one every Christmas since. Two years ago, she was so delighted, she slept in it on Christmas Eve.
This year, none of the local stores carried the robe. I snagged one on the website. As it does every year, the new baby blue version has brought her immense joy.
Shared with her permission and urging… Because she’s proud of her granny robe. Her college friends even *call* her Granny! It’s a whole persona.
She’s already posted on her own socials. I’m amused that at 19 she still loves this robe so much. It’s very much become a part of our holiday tradition!
Now we’re watching The Christmas Story–the Muppets version. 😂😂 #mychoice #ihatemusicals #butlovemuppets
Have a great holiday for those who observe and for those who do not, may your take out be delicious! ❤️
Ok, first off, I wish I wasn’t anxious and I wish I wasn’t feeling whiny. But I am and I do feel anxious and whiny. My shoulders hurt from stress and anxiety. I feel prickly and irritable. I would really prefer to withdraw and just hide in my house for a few more days. But it’s Christmas and that would be sad and somehow just wrong.
In an hour or two I’ll head a hundred miles south to visit my parents for the holiday. Grammy and I are tender with each other; we love each other very much, but I know we both are still hurt from our drama from the last few months. My new/refurbished cell phone doesn’t give off its own wifi signal so I can’t just hide in my old room and work on my dissertation. Going all the way there just to retreat to the Panera to practice overt avoidance doesn’t feel right. Maybe I’ll go visit a few friends.
Oy vey, I just realized that I didn’t get my godson a Christmas gift. Sigh…
Christmas afternoon I’ll head west to go visit Hope for all of one day (Thursday). I’ve spent the last week and a half trying to manage Christmas expectations. Interestingly, Hope asked for two sets of books and an Ipod Touch. Originally she asked for Beats by Dre headphones; I quickly explained that new mama didn’t believe in spending more than $10 on headphones, so $50-$200 were wholly out of the question. The Touch is really a no go at this point; although Hope will have internet access here I’ve found her not ready for it quite at the tip of her fingertips, especially if its portable. I’ve decided to bring her a pair of sneakers, the Bieber perfume and some gift cards that we can use when we go shopping that day.
She’s excited that I’m coming to visit. I’m anxious about her reaction when I get there; she’s been fickle since she’s returned. It’s probably good news; she goes monosyllabic on me like any other kid her age. She’s being normal in a most abnormal situation. Her behavior has been stellar since I took her home; no detentions, no suspensions; no visits to the principal’s office or notes home from teachers. I’m so proud of her. Of course, she’s highly motivated because of a deal I made about her getting a cellphone this spring if she could stay out of trouble. This brings me to my anxiety about this trip. I don’t want to do too much too soon, so I’ve kept the gifting light (especially since I have to carry this stuff). My family gifts but we tend to do just one or two gifts and that’s it. Of course we’ve not had a kid in the family for many years, so all of this is new. I also know that I need leverage and motivational points with Hope; this works with her in helping her be less impulsive.
I have to realize that I can’t control how Hope will react to the gifts I bring. I just need to spend time with my girl and try to have the best time I can with her for this expensive but short visit. I’ve got a house full of stuff for her, but I just want to mete it out over time on my terms rather than this huge explosion of gifts just because it’s Christmas.
I’m hopeful and prayerful that she will be home for good soon.
For now, I just want to get there, see her and give her a hug. That’s all I want for Christmas.
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