So, it is official: there will be no dedication, no blessing.
I kinda knew this was coming, but hearing it, especially after the week I’ve had…ugh.
Hope and I crashing a baby dedication wouldn’t fit the precious motif they’ve constructed.
Having a separate adoption blessing for families like ours isn’t really the direction they want to go in, because well, won’t all those other families with their biological children want their kids/families blessed? I mean, you can’t expect them to just bless EVERYONE, do you? #sarcasm
Yes, we know it is so disappointing when you don’t get what you want. #yeahpastorsaidthatwhileIsobbed
They would be happy to do something privately after church, when no one is around to witness it and ask all kinds of questions they don’t want to answer; I can even invite anyone I want. My
handler family pastor would even be happy to do it. #heywhydontwejustdoitatsizzler
And that would be something else for me to plan and coordinate; like I don’t have enough to do.
“It’s just not on our grid.”
“We can’t change our motif.”
No, I replied, you’re actively choosing not to.
“We’re still supporting you.”
It’s odd to reject a blessing and to do it standing on a principle. But I can’t do it, not in a backroom so that the blessing of me and Hope doesn’t offend some fellow churchgoers’ sensibilities or makes them wonder why we’re being blessed and they aren’t. Or even worse because me and my 13 year old just aren’t as cute and precious as the babies being blessed every 4th Sunday and we just don’t fit the “motif.” I don’t feel supported in doing that, and I don’t want to co-sign on that marginalization.
It’s not that I’m hunting for attention, standing on stage getting blessed, but I just don’t understand the need to hide my family. I suppose I’m somehow grateful that any offer was made, but it’s hard for me to not grasp how *they* didn’t see how it might be…offensive. And hurtful, deeply hurtful. I loved my church before all this, now I can barely stand driving by it.
Saying that my church did something offensive to me is weird, but I’ve left a church before because I found raging bigotry offensive, so I guess it happens. I guess in my privileged mind, I never thought I’d be on the receiving end of the offense. #thatsprivilegeforya #blindedbyprivilege
The family pastor hopes I’ll turn the other cheek. #WWJD #imnotJesus
Sadly, I am not sure I can. And it’s not even like it’s a crisis of faith or anything. I just totally disagree with the whole deal.
I’m grateful to finally have this mess resolved. I’m not sure how to explain to Hope that we will be moving churches. She enjoys the services there. But we’ll be visiting other churches. I don’t want my daughter to see me just not go because of this; we need to be in fellowship somewhere. My current church no longer feels fellowshippy.
I’ve been doing diversity work for a long time now. It is an odd feeling to have a new identity that somehow isn’t welcomed. It’s also an odd juxtaposition of being held up to adoption-sainthood, but being asked to be blessed in the back room. It’s odd after enduring all the metaphors about Christ adopting us and how God loves adoption…to hear that we don’t fit…I just can’t.
Despite the sadness, I’m glad this chapter is now closed.
Well, the beat goes on. Special thanks to the kind folks at DC127 for reaching out to me through FB with leads to churches where Hope and I will be welcome and supported in ways that will help us grow and be a healthy, successful family. I’m going to turn my attention to pursuing some of those leads and finding us a new church home.