So I have long struggled with band related social isolation. Ugh, it feels awful. I get lonely, resentful and I feel like I have to try so hard to find someone to hang with during band events.
Well, it’s band season again, and I have had a whole year to allow my resentment to fester.
During my therapy session this week, I openly admitted that I hate band season.
Like, HATE IT!
The meetings, the call times, the competitions, the early practices, the late practices, the disrespectful bleachers, the scratchy “spirit wear,” the fundraising, the lessons, the funky t-shirts and the copious amounts of turf all over the house.
I hate it, except for the fact that my beautiful Hope LOVES band season.
She loves it so deeply. She works so hard; practices, sets her alarm clock, posts practices on the family calendar. She’s so proud of being a part of something so meaningful. Band is her tribe.
And I LOVE that.
So nearly daily, I post band memes to her FB page. I found a local embroiderer so that her new position could be added to her band jacket. I listen to her band-related highs and lows with some level of interest and excitement.
But I do hate band. The whole band parent’s organization is overwhelming. I’m not a joiner, and I hate fundraising. It’s just the me and Hope, and while I might volunteer at a few events, I just see a lot of her events as opportunities for much needed respite.
So, last night I head to the first home game to support my daughter. I forgot my bleacher seat (ouch!). I was prepared to sit alone and feel like an outcast. And not only was I prepared, but I honestly didn’t care.
I got my McDonald’s bag and sashayed up to the bleachers and a kid’s mom (Jen, from the middle school band tribe) jokes did a I bring enough for the section. I said you can have a fry; she laughed and we joked the entire game. It was a genuinely, enjoyable experience complete with a tentative plan to get together with the kids for an activity. At one point she said, “I just love your daughter, Hope. She’s such a delight and always has a sunny disposition! She’s just great to be around.”
“Thanks. Yeah, she is great,” I replied, while my heart sang. Hope really is increasingly delightful to be around.
It seems that being a sophomore band parent is better than being a freshmen band parent.
I still hate band, but last night may have softened my heart a bit.
Band is the thing my daughter adores, and I adore her so I’ll suffer through whatever is necessary in hopes of keeping that smile on her face and those drumsticks in her hands.
September 10th, 2016 at 6:33 pm
Cross country is my band. And there is nothing to do but sit and wait and wait and wait.
I feel like I’m back in high school around these parents :-).
Like you, I’m a first time single forty something mom of a teen. I have learned so much from your blog, and it’s nice to just not feel so alone. Thank you for continuing to share your life.
September 10th, 2016 at 7:31 pm
I am glad you are keeping your blog posts real, so it makes reading this update incredibly special. Hope the trend continues!
September 19th, 2016 at 12:27 pm
Nothing more lovely than having another parent see the delightful side of one’s child. (Plus a little reinforcement for the more challenging moments.) And for any child, but especially one who missed out previously on peer tribe opportunities to have found hers. Congrats!
September 23rd, 2016 at 2:11 pm
I feel the same way about Mary’s soccer, and you know, I freaking love soccer, but being a soccer mom is like a whole different world. The fund raisers, the practice 2 days a week and games on Sundays, pizza parties and dirt! Lots of dirt, that my other children eat, and then spit out and smear on walls…needless to say, soccer season sucks, but watching Mary play and get so excited, and getting compliments about how good she is! That’s all it takes to keep me coming back…begrudgingly…
November 21st, 2016 at 9:57 pm
Love this post – haven’t yet gotten to the age of joining clubs and choosing whether or not to stay for the event, but I’m so typically introverted I worry about those days ahead!