Good and Scary

I loathe doing trigger warnings on a space that I created for myself, but well, I rarely bring politics into this space and today I will. So, if you’re not down with reading this perspective, you might want to move on right about 5ish paragraphs in.

Surprisingly, Hope and I are doing well. Things are good. Things are so good that last weekend, I took Hope and a family friend (also an adoptee) roller skating, then on Saturday Hope went to a church event (alone), that was followed by lunch with the church friends (sans me), led part of the teen service at the church we attend (I was the geeky parent taking pictures proudly) and then hung out for 4—that’s FOUR—amazeballs hours at the home of a friend from school (that’s right, she finally got an invite to go hang) AND said friend even brought her home for me.

All of this meant that I got to become one with my new magic couch…alone. I snuggled on my couch with Yappy in a state of ecstatic glee.

Last weekend was nothing short of epic.

I’m hopeful again. I’m feeling better; I finally named the new car—Polished Polly. The couch…oooohh the couch, seriously, I can’t rave about the couch enough.

I’m on a business trip, which means I get a bit of time away. Hope gets a bit of time from me. Tonight when I get home, things will be all lovely for a day or two.

Things ae good.

And things are scary. Like, seriously boogey man scary. Trump? Really? Really? I west coast woke up this morning to find that this dude has now won the Nevada caucus.

As a Black woman, this dude’s misogynism, racism, xenophobia, homophobia…it sickens me and makes me very afraid. What actually scares me more is that followers pride themselves in having found a candidate who says all the awful things they haven’t the balls to say out loud in pleasant, mixed company. The fact that he has struck a chord with so many people helps me understand even more why I must be vigilant about my daughter’s safety.

I already worry about the police—who are jumping on the bandwagon by boycotting Beyonce because she has hot sauce in her bag (swag), slays and had the audacity to include a video shoot that asked cops to stop killing us.

I worry about how easily policy decisions that result in unpotable water and massive amounts childhood lead poisoning. #Flint

I was working yesterday, doing a meeting about diversity in professional schools. Someone asked me if I thought there was really more racial incidents occurring or if they just got more attention? I replied that I thought it was both.

What I really wanted to say is, “Does it really matter?” If there aren’t as many, but there is more attention, that only shows what people like me live through every day. If there are more events and less attention why the hell wouldn’t I be afraid of an uptick in hate crimes, especially with no more attention because no one cares?

Seriously, WTF? It kinda sucks all the way around, right?

So to have a candidate whose hate is being legitimized with each primary or caucus scares me and it makes me wary of my fellow citizens.

This doesn’t let many of the other GOP candidates off the hook; but few of them scare me as much as Trump. And while I am a self-avowed Democrat; I’m not really all that thrilled with my choices there either. I don’t believe in dynasties, even if it would mean breaking the gender ceiling and I love idealism, but there’s a reason it’s not practical—because it’s simply not.

Super Tuesday is next week and it could really serve to lock  down our choices for November. I am hopeful, prayerful even, that my country cares about my safety and the safety of my family as African Americans. I am hopeful that other choices are made. I am hopeful that the articulation of fears like mine don’t just echo in the darkness, but that they mean something.

My fear of a Trump presidency is real. My fear that an increasing number of people buy into his rhetoric and his “I know I am but what are you?” routines have a gut check about kindness, humanity, compassion and true American ideals and not our faux exceptionalism. I hope that we all have moments of awakening that allow us to transcend the political rubbish and allow us to make real decisions about our fellow citizens.

There’s no endorsement in this post, just a lot of questions and a lot of fears for our country’s future. Please remember people like me. Remember Hope. Think about us as we all make our decisions.

Things are good and scary these days.


About AdoptiveBlackMom

I'm a single Black professional woman living in the DC area. I adopted my now adult daughter in 2014, and this blog chronicles my journey. Feel free to contact me at, on Facebook at Adoptive Black Mom, and on Twitter @adoptiveblkmom. ©, 2013-2022. All rights reserved. (Don't copy my ish without credit!) View all posts by AdoptiveBlackMom

13 responses to “Good and Scary

  • Caitlin

    I’ve been saying for months that it’s not the idea of Trump himself as president that scares me (though it would be disgusting) it is the idea that so many idiots, bigots, and racists are out there voting for him. I cannot IMAGINE him winning the overall election, but even just the support we see him getting now is truly alarming.

  • c. from indeterminatewait

    I’m right there with you. My husband is white and his father has said, more than once in my presence, “I’d vote for Trump twice if I could!” My father-in-law is not a racist, he’s a mostly non-political confirmed Republican who will just vote for whoever the Republican candidate is regardless for the promise of lower taxes, but he does feel like Trump is some kind of… I don’t know, a no nonsense anti-politician? Somehow, Trump spouting off his awful, hateful bull reads to my FIL like someone who’s not afraid to cut through the political rhetoric and “say it like it is” rather than playing politics. My husband has made several remarks about Trump being a racist and his father doesn’t really respond. This is what scares me. If the NON racist white people are feeling Trump and will vote for him, what happens if he gets elected and inevitably starts eroding the hard-won rights of woman, minorities, etc? Will they care then? How do I explain to my FIL that a vote for Trump means voting for a worse world for his grandson and people who look like him (and me) without starting an Awkward Family Incident? And should I even be worried about making my inlaws uncomfortable over standing up for something so important? I may not make a difference in the country or the world, but I can make one in my own family. These are the thoughts that keep running through my head. It’s scary that more people aren’t scared.

    • thecommonostrich

      I’m a huge fan of Awkward Family Incidents, BTW. When my FIL said the reason Latinos don’t do well in school is because they are lazy and don’t value education, I pointed out that my mom (who was Puerto Rican) had two masters degrees and a PhD. The stammering and excuses that followed were PRICELESS. (Disclaimer: I’m not always a “nice” person.)

  • My Perfect Breakdown

    As a Canadian, I have no ability/right to vote in the USA. But, as someone who lives very close to the USA and is impacted on a nearly daily basis by USA politics, I’m worried. But even more, now I am a mother to a dual Canadian-USA citizen who is possibly mixed race (I realize the description of “possibly” is weird, I’m not sure how to say explain it – our son may be mixed race, but may not be, and if he is at this point it’s not obvious based purely on skin tones). Anyways, I’ve always considered myself liberal. So while I have NEVER supported Trump and his ideology, now I too am scared for our future and I also see how this impacts my family on a much more personal level.

  • thecommonostrich

    This totally scares me too. I’m truly concerned that there are parts of the US that celebrate this level of ignorance. Before I launch into full-on-judgey judgement, I try to listen to what Trump supporters are saying. As much as this is truly horrifying to me, I also think that understanding people who are different is the first step to living in a more inclusive society. (It starts at home, amiright?)

    I hear people who are afraid. They feel as though they were promised one version of their lives, then times changed and left them behind. It stems from people who never really understood their inherent privileged until it was gone. (When you put it in these terms, you can see how Trump– the poster child of privilege– has become their candidate, can’t you?) Putting on my sympathetic hat, I can understand how this would turn your world on its ear.

    This is, however, where my sympathies stop. Being afraid isn’t the problem. It’s what Trump followers do with that fear that makes me worry. They don’t look toward building better communities together, rather than at the expense of others. Women, minorities, immigrants, you know… any one who isn’t “them.” The fact that they set up the proposition of America as an either/or? That’s what hurts my heart.

  • AdoptiveNYMomma

    Trump terrifies me too and I am not really politically savvy. I hear what he says and wonder how people are following his blatantly ignorant rantings

  • TAO

    At least the Trump debacle has made it painfully obvious of the sheer volume of people like him in the USA…pretty hard to claim racism, etc., isn’t alive and thriving…and, yes, it should scare the apathy out of normal people to say no…very scary…

    Loved the update too – everyone needs down time/alone time to rejuvenate …

    • Marieke

      If I’d asked you that question it would be probably because I am checking my privilege. If I suddenly would be aware of something very disturbing that feels new to me. I need to check is it new or is it new to me. Unfortunately privilege is like an onion there is always a fresh layer. Assuming everybody is available for me to help me over on my blindness is again privilege. I don’t really know how to overcome this myself I just know that it is uncomfortable but necessary work.

  • polwygle

    Oh I am honored you named your car after me. When my in-laws asked me what I thought of Trump last summer, all I could do was laugh until I realized they were serious. *awkward* Even my own folks are on board. I remain baffled and wonder if I’ll ever get to cast my vote “for” someone.

  • HerdingChickens

    Yes, I think there are more racial incidents lately. Looking back at this post after the election is really hard. Our nation is so much more divided now. It doesn’t matter if there are more or less racial incidents in terms of news coverage. There should be ZERO incidents. I think they should ALL be covered by the news media because they are all serious issues

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