Tag Archives: Adoption in Communities of Color

Fighting Depression

I’ve really struggled the last few months. It’s easy to look for external triggers for the struggle.

Spring blossomed and things that fly…well they started flying again, triggering Hope’s bug phobia. The schedule was crazy. We initiated a medication change for her that we were getting used to. Her anxiety was running high because of a general fear about high school. We’ve been dealing with a lengthy resolution to a criminal case in which Hope was a victim. Work has been insane, and I’m being heavily pursued for a new gig in another state. Yappy had puppy school every week at 8pm.

All the external stuff was really, really extra, and I spent a lot of time focused on it all because it all demanded my attention.

Oh and then I was just generally upset by the constant issues and images of Black folk trying to live and being impeded from doing so.

On a Monday a few weeks ago, I found myself crying and I couldn’t stop. I mean I just could not stop crying.

I was sad.

I was in a state of despair.

I wanted to just lay in the bed; getting up felt like it took all of the energy I had.

I found joy in nothing.

I was always irritable and snappy, and Hope was increasingly reacting to my bad moods which just made our relationship that much more strained.

I felt like a dark cloud was just hanging over me.


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I finally made an appointment with my internist, who sat back in his chair and let me cry and sob for 15 minutes. Then, he handed me his handkerchief and started talking about the need for medication to help me get myself together.

I was anxious and depressed—not just sad, but clinically sad. Somewhere along the way I fell off a cliff and was just free falling, and I didn’t realize it.


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Depression is an effed up thing. I have struggled with it off and on for years. Usually I can see it coming, this time I didn’t. It makes me sad because it’s another sign that I haven’t done my best at self-care, but more concerning is that my depression had a chilling effect on Hope. I regret that. Not in a way that I’m beating myself up over, but I still regret it because it’s another little thing I need to bounce back from.

Resiliency is still an issue for me.

Parenting is a tough business. Parenting a child who has experienced trauma is…especially tough. Sometimes it feels like you’re just looking for puzzle pieces in the dark. You need the pieces to help put the kid back together, but you’re looking for them with no flashlight.


It’s kind of easy for the dark to consume you when you don’t even have a flashlight.

Beating back the darkness is actually the most important thing right now; actually it is more important than getting the parenting thing just right. Fighting the darkness is essential to both my and Hope’s survival.

It’s been a few weeks since I hit that low spot. I’m feeling much better now. I’m on the mend, on the upswing, if you will. Pharmaceutical help is a beautiful thing. It’s unfortunate that dealing with mental and emotional issues is a taboo thing in communities of color. If you need help, get it. I could sit around and do that “strong Black woman” thing, but Hope and I would both continue to suffer. I think getting help is a better demonstration of strength.

So that’s what’s up. I tripped and fell into a bit of a hole. I am fighting depression. But I’m climbing out and stepping back into the sunlight. And it feels good.


Take Your Time, We’ll Wait – Add Water and Stir!

The Podcast!

The Podcast!

Join us for the next episode of Add Water and Stir with Mimi from ComplicatedMelodi and ABM from AdoptiveBlackMom on Thursday, August 20 on Google+ at 10pm EST/9pm CST! As usual we’ll be catching up on life and talking shop. This will be a special episode of Add Water as we feature our very first guest, Future Adopter! Be sure to peep her blog, A Sista’s Guide to Adoption and find out how she’s doing as she preps to dive into the adoption process.

On Thursday we will talk about all the waiting that takes place throughout the adoption process. You wait until the “right” time; you wait to get the paperwork done; you wait for the home study and licensing. You wait during the matching process. It just seems like you are waiting for ever! Mimi, ABM and Future Adopter will chat about the emotions, things we did and are doing to keep our sanity throughout the process.

And of course we’ll also talk about pop culture in our wrap up segment playfully named “The Wine Down” by Future Adopter (Yeah, we’re keeping that FA!).

Don’t forget to Tweet us (@mimicomplex and @adoptiveblkmom) at #addwater and #TreatYoSelf!

RSVP to join us live!

Podcasts are available on YouTube and on our podcast page!

Crumbling Towers of Strength

Don’t forget to log on and catch the next episode of Add Water and Stir on Thursday, July 24 at 10pm EST/9pm CST!

This episode is called Crumbling Towers of Strength. Mimi from the blog ComplicatedMelodi and I will be talking about the “Strong Black (or any other color for that matter) Woman” complex that keeps women from practicing critical self-care until it is too late. This complex is centered around the fallacies that we don’t need help, we don’t do therapy for ourselves and the absurd need to prove that we are strong and have it all under control.

Um…yeah, we do need help; we should do therapy and we really don’t have anything to prove, especially when things might be spiraling out of control. We need to break down some real talk about self-care and adoption.

We’re also going to explore acute situations in which kids are introduced to the foster care system and how these episodes may disproportionately impact families of color and/or poor-low income families.  We’re talking about incidents like: “Mom Jailed Because She Let Her 9-Year Old Daughter Play in the Park Unsupervised.” #maybeitreallyiscomplicated

We’ll wrap up with some goofy chatter on pop culture, because, well we think about other more mindless stuff too, and we can’t always focus on the tough stuff.

Join us on Google+ on Thursday night! Click the graphic to RSVP!

The Podcast!

The Podcast!

Add Water and Stir

Last fall two bloggers stumbled upon each other out here in the blogosphere.  One had been chronicling her life via blog for a number of years; the other had been blogging for a couple of months.  Both had only recently begun writing about their adoption journeys.  Over the months, Mimi of Complicated Melodi and AdoptiveBlackMom (ABM) found they had a lot in common and shared a strong desire to give voice to women of color interested in adoption.

In December, Mimi wrote a great piece called, “Infertility, Adoption and The Best Man Holiday.” ABM commented that they should write a movie; Mimi replied that she had something else in mind!

Well, nearly 7 months, one dissertation, two adoptive placements, one finalization and lots of life adjustments, we’re delighted to announce the launch of our new podcast, Add Water and Stir!


Add Water and Stir will focus on promoting adoption within communities of color, especially within the African American community.  We want to give voice and visibility to families like ours who often seem left out of mainstream adoption conversations.  We hope to educate others as we talk about our struggles and triumphs of parenting adopted children.  Of course, there will be time for Mimi and ABM to kick it about all kinds of not necessarily adoption related topics as well.

So, join us for our first live podcast on Thursday, June 26th at 10pm EDT/9pm CDT on Google Hangout!  (You can RSVP or just find us live by clicking the link!) Podcasts will also be available on YouTube and Itunes the day after the hangout.

We’re open to suggestions about topics from our blog followers.  You can leave them on either blog in the comments sections or drop us an email at our respective email addresses!

Come hang out with us every other Thursday.

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