Tag Archives: Adoption Podcasts

Add Water and Stir 20: Good Samaritan or Nosey Neighbor?

Hey!!!! We made it to 20 episodes!!!  Woot, woot!

Thursday @9:30pm EDT!

Thursday @9:30pm EDT!

On tonight’s episode of Add Water and Stir, AdoptiveBlackMom and Complicated Melodi’s Mimi chat about families, usually mothers, who have been arrested or had CPS involved in their life because of leaving their children in the car to go pick up something.  It always involves someone who is a Good Samaritan not sure of what to do and errs on the side of caution by calling the authorities. While we certainly want children to be safe; we also wonder, when is it okay to intervene in someone else’s parenting choices? Also, why are some parenting decisions scrutinized and critiqued, while others are celebrated as “good parenting.” The ladies of Add Water will discuss parental decision making and autonomy tonight, with the usual side of pop culture during the Wine Down!

Catch Add Water and Stir live tonight on Google+ at 9:30pm EDT/8:30pm CST or later on our podcast site, YouTube, Itunes or Stitcher! Don’t forget to rate us (5 stars and thumbs ups, pretty please!)!

Add Water and Stir is a podcast focused on the promoting adoption within communities of color, especially within the African American community.


The Struggle is *Still* Real

A year ago, I published a post called The Struggle is Real.

A year later, it still is. I could reblog that post and one of the few changes I’d make is to note that I traded stupid parenting books for stupid parenting podcasts (not Add Water and Stir, of course!).

A year later I would add the following:

Imposter syndrome is real in parenting. I am making it only because I’m faking it. And by “it” I mean parenting. For all of the parenting wins and Jedi mind-tricks that were wildly successful, I am beaten down by the epic failures I feel like I succumb to on the daily. I am beat down and down trodden.

And there is no end in sight.

It is stunningly easy to forget to practice self-care. Every few weeks I manage to remember I should be taking care of myself and within three days I have forgotten again. In those moments of clarity I plan to log on to the sitter site and book the nannies for regular visits, but an hour later I have forgotten, having gotten caught up in more drama than I care to write about.

It’s affected my waistline. It’s affected my relationships. It’s made me feel weary and teary more than I ever feel happy or joyful. And even though I know if I just take the time to create the structures I need to be ok, I simply push them down as I jet to problem-solve the next crisis. I really do worry at times whether I will simply get sucked all the way into the drama that is Hope, and lose myself.

This month’s self-care win was finding a new therapist who takes my insurance. Her initial reaction to the craziness that is my life was validating.

Now to call the sitter agency and schedule some regular respite.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can…

Scarred kids do dumb, risky things sometimes. Sure I may know how to deal with it in the moment, but I still have enormous trouble understanding the misfires and disconnects that exist in Hope’s mind. I intellectually get it.  I’ve read all the research about PTSD and the PET scans of kids with trauma. But damn, son, this ish is mind-boggling when it’s not a journal article but a real, live human being up in your ish. I know we are building and rebuilding, but holy crap, it just never seems to end. It’s like a bad video game with thousands of villains; you kill one and there are 30 in its place.

Hope starts high school in a few months. I have no fears about her academic performance, but her social interactions are increasingly risky given this need to have more people like/love her. It’s devastating to know that I’m not enough; even though I knew I wouldn’t be. But I can’t get her to just be careful or even to know that her behaviors are often what drive good people away and draw scary people close.

It’s messy and terrifying.

I have no idea what’s next. None.

I’m not even sure when we tripped into this crazy period. I’m sure that I probably could’ve predicted it, but I didn’t. And I can’t even say that it’s really her; maybe it’s really me with all the problems. Maybe she’s really doing better than I think she is. She probably is.

I don’t know. I know that I’m tired. I am sad.

I was not prepared for this level of sustained challenge. I wasn’t prepared to have my heartbroken over and over again. I wasn’t prepared for just how lonely I would be. I wasn’t prepared for how many people around me would ask questions about my daughter, kindly, and how often I would lie and say things are fine or great.

When I first started doing diversity work, I went back to therapy just so I had a safe place to dump all the ugliness that comes with wading through racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia and the like. I didn’t want to dump it on friends or family. I remember a colleague asking me how I did managed to do this kind of work and not flinch, and one of my mentors who was standing nearby saying, “She wears the mask.” It was a reference to a Paul Laurence Dunbar poem that I love because it’s so true, We Wear the Mask.

I think of that moment and that poem whenever someone asks me how Hope is doing, and I say we’re doing great. In many, many, many ways we are. But in many ways we are not. It is still a very real struggle.

We Wear the Mask

Paul Laurence Dunbar

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

And I know I’ll keep wearing the mask.

I have no idea what’s to come. I hope that the struggle has changed a bit a year from now. I hope the struggle isn’t quite as real a year from now.


Episode 5 of Add Water is Live!

The Podcast!

The Podcast!

The latest episode of Add Water and Stir, Take Your Time, We’ll Wait, is live!

Last week Mimi of Complicated Melodi and I welcomed relative new comer Future Adopter from A Sista’s Guide to Adoption to talk all about all the waiting involved in the adoption process.  The episode includes lots of good stuff about length of wait times, emotions associated with waiting and how folks keep themselves busy until their bundles of joy arrive.

In the Wine Down (which I’m thinking we totally need to trademark and during which my homies had me drinking alone this week—the horror!), we ladies dish about Love and Hip Hop:ATL couple Wacka Flocka and Tammy’s fertility issues, Kim K-Dash’s whimsical desire to adopt a Thai tween while vacationing, and the latest on Married at First Sight.  As usual, we wrap up with our recommendations for the week!

Peep us on:

Towards the end of the podcast, poor Future Adopter experienced a power outage that ended her connection.  Don’t worry I’m sure we’ll have her back on the show at a later time to see how she’s progressing through the adoption process!  We are happy she was able to join us last week!  🙂

And yes, my recommendations actually included “grease,” aka Blue Magic this week.  This naturalista’s hair likes it; nay, it LOVES it!  What can I say, petroleum and mineral oil are my friends. #shrug #dowhatsrightforyourhair #itsalsocheap

Blue Magic Conditioner Hair Dress, 12 oz.

This image is for Mimi!


Crumbling Towers of Strength

Don’t forget to log on and catch the next episode of Add Water and Stir on Thursday, July 24 at 10pm EST/9pm CST!

This episode is called Crumbling Towers of Strength. Mimi from the blog ComplicatedMelodi and I will be talking about the “Strong Black (or any other color for that matter) Woman” complex that keeps women from practicing critical self-care until it is too late. This complex is centered around the fallacies that we don’t need help, we don’t do therapy for ourselves and the absurd need to prove that we are strong and have it all under control.

Um…yeah, we do need help; we should do therapy and we really don’t have anything to prove, especially when things might be spiraling out of control. We need to break down some real talk about self-care and adoption.

We’re also going to explore acute situations in which kids are introduced to the foster care system and how these episodes may disproportionately impact families of color and/or poor-low income families.  We’re talking about incidents like: “Mom Jailed Because She Let Her 9-Year Old Daughter Play in the Park Unsupervised.” #maybeitreallyiscomplicated

We’ll wrap up with some goofy chatter on pop culture, because, well we think about other more mindless stuff too, and we can’t always focus on the tough stuff.

Join us on Google+ on Thursday night! Click the graphic to RSVP!

The Podcast!

The Podcast!


About the Tea

The latest episode of Add Water and Stir is available!  Hey we made it to two episodes!!!  Woot, Woot!

addwater3

In this second episode called, About the Tea: Reading the Data Leaves and Spilling Adoption Tea, ComplicatedMelodi (Mimi) and I chat about recent parenting developments including acquiescing to super sweet grandparents and the emotional upheaval associated with the emergence of biological family. Show highlights include data from the recent US Census Bureau report, Adopted Children and Stepchildren: 2010, telling folks that you are adopting and defining “normal” in adoptive families.

You can find us on YouTube:

Google+: Add Water and Stir with ABM and Mimi

On our podcast page: Add Water and Stir

Shout out to a watcher who let me know my brows were nice!  Seeing as I haven’t had them done in like 8 weeks because of business, I needed that! Ha!

If you have some suggestions for future topics, comment below, hit me up on Twitter or send an email!


Add Water and Stir

Last fall two bloggers stumbled upon each other out here in the blogosphere.  One had been chronicling her life via blog for a number of years; the other had been blogging for a couple of months.  Both had only recently begun writing about their adoption journeys.  Over the months, Mimi of Complicated Melodi and AdoptiveBlackMom (ABM) found they had a lot in common and shared a strong desire to give voice to women of color interested in adoption.

In December, Mimi wrote a great piece called, “Infertility, Adoption and The Best Man Holiday.” ABM commented that they should write a movie; Mimi replied that she had something else in mind!

Well, nearly 7 months, one dissertation, two adoptive placements, one finalization and lots of life adjustments, we’re delighted to announce the launch of our new podcast, Add Water and Stir!

addwater3

Add Water and Stir will focus on promoting adoption within communities of color, especially within the African American community.  We want to give voice and visibility to families like ours who often seem left out of mainstream adoption conversations.  We hope to educate others as we talk about our struggles and triumphs of parenting adopted children.  Of course, there will be time for Mimi and ABM to kick it about all kinds of not necessarily adoption related topics as well.

So, join us for our first live podcast on Thursday, June 26th at 10pm EDT/9pm CDT on Google Hangout!  (You can RSVP or just find us live by clicking the link!) Podcasts will also be available on YouTube and Itunes the day after the hangout.

We’re open to suggestions about topics from our blog followers.  You can leave them on either blog in the comments sections or drop us an email at our respective email addresses!

Come hang out with us every other Thursday.


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