Tag Archives: Add Water & Stir Podcast

Add Water and Stir’s Latest

I’ve been talking about my journey with Hope for 2 years, but no one had ever heard her voice until now!

I’m so absurdly proud of my daughter and this was such a fun experience for us. I hope you enjoy it as we observe National Adoption Awareness Month!

AWAS 033: Hope Shares Her Script – http://www.addwaterandstirpodcast.com/awas-033-hope-shares-her-script/



Add Water and Stir Plans for October

If you’re already a fan of the Add Water and Stir Podcast, fantastic!

If you’re not, well get on board, why doncha???

This month Mimi and I will be hosting a special series called School Daze: What Foster and Adoptive Parents Should Know about Navigating the Educational System!  You will want to peep this series as we explore paperwork issues, back to school shopping, posting school pictures, IEPs, and extracurricular activities.  Each week of October–Holy Homeboy willing and the creek don’t rise–we will publish a new episode featuring special guests, best practices and wicked funny musings about our own educational escapades.  Be sure to visit the Add Water and Sir Podcast page for more information.

In the meantime, we need your help with the show!

We are very much interested in hearing your thoughts on posting pictures of your kids on social media. School just started for most of the kids in the state and abroad and everyone’s timelines have no doubt been flooded with adorable pictures of littles and bigs on their first day of school.  The ladies of Add Water and Stir are interested in what folks think about this tradition, so we’ve prepared a brief survey.  We hope you’ll take 3 minutes to fill it out.  Please share it with friends and family members even if they are not directly a part of the foster care/adoption community.  (You know I (ABM) am a researcher and I need a critical mass of responses to have confidence in the data when we share it on the show! #nerd #gooddata #pleasefilloutoursurvey) The survey is totally anonymous.

You can access the survey right here!

Add Water and Stir is also a staunch supporter of amplifying the voice of the adoptee, so we would love to feature adoptees on the show.  To discuss recording a segment, contact us at feedback@awaspod.com or leave us a voice message at 646-685-4199. We would love to hear from you and include you on the show.

Thanks so much for supporting Add Water and Stir!

AWAS 028: Birth Mother Myths & Mommy Blogs

It’s going down, Thursday, September 17th at 8:30pm EDT/ 7:30pm CDT! On the 28th episode of Add Water and Stir, ABM and Mimi will talk about birth mothers and the mythical narrative that surrounds them in the adoption community. Birth mothers are often cast as “saints” who save infertile couples from childlessness or “sinners” who were completely irresponsible and found themselves in an unfortunate predicament. The reality is far more complicated and rife with a lot of emotions. The hosts will unpack some of the myths and talk about ways to better support birth mothers, whether they choose to parent or choose to place their children.

On the second segment of the podcast, Mimi and ABM will talk about their favorite mommy blogs and other highly touted blogs by moms out on the interwebs. Definitely get in on the blog call.

Finally, no show is complete without the foolery of the Wind Down, the time devoted to talking pop culture!

So, be sure to join us live on Google+ on Thursday night!

Or listen to us from our podcast page, addwaterandstirpodcast.com, or on Itunes and Stitcher!

Don’t forget to give the podcast a 5 star rating and tell a friend about the show!

Feel free to tell us about your birth mother story below or on Twitter at @AWASPod!

AWAS 027: Showers and Sip & Sees

On the next episode of Add Water and Stir, hosts ABM and Mimi discuss celebrating the arrival of foster and adoptive kids through showers and “Sip & Sees.” Adoption showers can be an awesome way to welcome new parents into the parenting club or to simply to celebrate the expansion of a family.  For friends and extended family, the adoption process can seem even more strange and mysterious observing it from the “outside” so showers can be a wonderful way of offering support to foster and adoptive parents.

On the second segment, the ladies of Add Water will also chat about finding humor in parenting challenges in a 140 characters or less.  Finally, as always, The Wind Down will feature zero chill as ABM and Mimi discuss the messiness that is the VMAs.

Join us live on Wednesday, September 2 at 9pm EDT/ 8pm CDT on Google+.

Or listen to us from our podcast page, addwaterandstirpodcast.com, or on Itunes and Stitcher!

Don’t forget to give the podcast a 5 star rating and tell a friend about the show!

Feel free to tell us about your adoption story or your funniest parenting tweets below or on Twitter at @AWASPod!

AWAS 026: Making the Big Move

On the next episode of Add Water and Stir, Mimi and ABM talk about helping foster and adoptive kids make the transition home.  Transitions can be hard for our kids; often they’ve been shuttled about before a match is made.  It takes time to build trust, to reduce anxiety and to help kids feel safe. These can also be trying times for parents too, and self-care can be a low priority.

On the second segment of the show, the ladies will discuss college savings for adoptees and foster kids. With older kids, time to save may be limited. ABM and Mimi will talk about their strategies for helping their daughters plan for the future.

Of course, no episode of Add Water would be complete without a brief confab about the latest in pop culture!

Join ABM and Mimi live on Thursday, August 20 at 9pm EDT/8pm CDT on Google+!

Or listen to us from our podcast page, addwaterandstirpodcast.com, or on Itunes and Stitcher! Don’t forget to give us a 5 star rating and tell a friend about the show!

Feel free to tell us about your transition story below!

Add Water & Stir 022: Great Expectations

If you’re a parent or you’ve ever considered becoming a parent (bio or otherwise), you’ve had expectations about the process of actually becoming a parent and what parenting would be like. You may have also had expectations about your child, what this little (or big!) person would be like and how you would engage your kid.


On the next episode of Add Water and Stir, Mimi, ABM and special guest, Future Adopter (who is expecting a placement *any day now*) will discuss their expectations related to adoption, mothering and their expectations of their kids.

Join the ladies of Add Water live on Thursday, June 4th at 9:30pm EDT/8:30pm CST on the podcast’s Google+ page or later on Itunes, Stitcher or Add Water & Stir podcast page! Be sure to leave us a 5 star rating with some feedback!

Want to share your expectations? Sound off in the comment section below and your comments will be read on the show.

Black & Brown Pop Culture Moms

Thursday @ 10pm EDT!

Thursday @ 10pm EDT!

After listening to a recent podcast featuring a segment on best pop culture moms and hearing no moms of color from the last 50 years getting any love from contributors, Mimi and ABM found themselves irritated! Seriously, how could anyone forget Claire Huxtable?  Florida Evans?  Aunt Viv???  Or even Winona Woods, who adopted Penny on Good Times???

There are numerous Black and Brown women swirling around pop culture who also serve as mom archetypes that all women can look to as role models.  So, on the next episode of Add Water and Stir, ABM and Mimi will chat about their favorite Black and Brown pop culture moms and give voice to those of us who recognize the value of and contributions women of color make in the fine art of mothering.  Be sure to leave a comment below or tweet the ladies (@adoptiveblkmom and @mimicomplex) with your favorite Black and Brown pop culture moms. ABM and Mimi will include your moms on the podcast!

On the Wine Down, the ladies will chat about the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion finale and the hot mess that is Love and Hip Hop Atlanta.

Join the ladies live on Thursday, May 14 at 10pm EDT/9pm CDT on Google+!  Or catch the show later on Itunes, Stitcher or YouTube!

Add Water and Stir 20: Good Samaritan or Nosey Neighbor?

Hey!!!! We made it to 20 episodes!!!  Woot, woot!

Thursday @9:30pm EDT!

Thursday @9:30pm EDT!

On tonight’s episode of Add Water and Stir, AdoptiveBlackMom and Complicated Melodi’s Mimi chat about families, usually mothers, who have been arrested or had CPS involved in their life because of leaving their children in the car to go pick up something.  It always involves someone who is a Good Samaritan not sure of what to do and errs on the side of caution by calling the authorities. While we certainly want children to be safe; we also wonder, when is it okay to intervene in someone else’s parenting choices? Also, why are some parenting decisions scrutinized and critiqued, while others are celebrated as “good parenting.” The ladies of Add Water will discuss parental decision making and autonomy tonight, with the usual side of pop culture during the Wine Down!

Catch Add Water and Stir live tonight on Google+ at 9:30pm EDT/8:30pm CST or later on our podcast site, YouTube, Itunes or Stitcher! Don’t forget to rate us (5 stars and thumbs ups, pretty please!)!

Add Water and Stir is a podcast focused on the promoting adoption within communities of color, especially within the African American community.

The Struggle is *Still* Real

A year ago, I published a post called The Struggle is Real.

A year later, it still is. I could reblog that post and one of the few changes I’d make is to note that I traded stupid parenting books for stupid parenting podcasts (not Add Water and Stir, of course!).

A year later I would add the following:

Imposter syndrome is real in parenting. I am making it only because I’m faking it. And by “it” I mean parenting. For all of the parenting wins and Jedi mind-tricks that were wildly successful, I am beaten down by the epic failures I feel like I succumb to on the daily. I am beat down and down trodden.

And there is no end in sight.

It is stunningly easy to forget to practice self-care. Every few weeks I manage to remember I should be taking care of myself and within three days I have forgotten again. In those moments of clarity I plan to log on to the sitter site and book the nannies for regular visits, but an hour later I have forgotten, having gotten caught up in more drama than I care to write about.

It’s affected my waistline. It’s affected my relationships. It’s made me feel weary and teary more than I ever feel happy or joyful. And even though I know if I just take the time to create the structures I need to be ok, I simply push them down as I jet to problem-solve the next crisis. I really do worry at times whether I will simply get sucked all the way into the drama that is Hope, and lose myself.

This month’s self-care win was finding a new therapist who takes my insurance. Her initial reaction to the craziness that is my life was validating.

Now to call the sitter agency and schedule some regular respite.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can…

Scarred kids do dumb, risky things sometimes. Sure I may know how to deal with it in the moment, but I still have enormous trouble understanding the misfires and disconnects that exist in Hope’s mind. I intellectually get it.  I’ve read all the research about PTSD and the PET scans of kids with trauma. But damn, son, this ish is mind-boggling when it’s not a journal article but a real, live human being up in your ish. I know we are building and rebuilding, but holy crap, it just never seems to end. It’s like a bad video game with thousands of villains; you kill one and there are 30 in its place.

Hope starts high school in a few months. I have no fears about her academic performance, but her social interactions are increasingly risky given this need to have more people like/love her. It’s devastating to know that I’m not enough; even though I knew I wouldn’t be. But I can’t get her to just be careful or even to know that her behaviors are often what drive good people away and draw scary people close.

It’s messy and terrifying.

I have no idea what’s next. None.

I’m not even sure when we tripped into this crazy period. I’m sure that I probably could’ve predicted it, but I didn’t. And I can’t even say that it’s really her; maybe it’s really me with all the problems. Maybe she’s really doing better than I think she is. She probably is.

I don’t know. I know that I’m tired. I am sad.

I was not prepared for this level of sustained challenge. I wasn’t prepared to have my heartbroken over and over again. I wasn’t prepared for just how lonely I would be. I wasn’t prepared for how many people around me would ask questions about my daughter, kindly, and how often I would lie and say things are fine or great.

When I first started doing diversity work, I went back to therapy just so I had a safe place to dump all the ugliness that comes with wading through racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia and the like. I didn’t want to dump it on friends or family. I remember a colleague asking me how I did managed to do this kind of work and not flinch, and one of my mentors who was standing nearby saying, “She wears the mask.” It was a reference to a Paul Laurence Dunbar poem that I love because it’s so true, We Wear the Mask.

I think of that moment and that poem whenever someone asks me how Hope is doing, and I say we’re doing great. In many, many, many ways we are. But in many ways we are not. It is still a very real struggle.

We Wear the Mask

Paul Laurence Dunbar

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

And I know I’ll keep wearing the mask.

I have no idea what’s to come. I hope that the struggle has changed a bit a year from now. I hope the struggle isn’t quite as real a year from now.

Add Water and Stir 19: Adoption Disruption and Rehoming

The Podcast!

The Podcast!

Be sure to join Complicated Melodi’s Mimi and AdoptiveBlackMom’s ABM this Thursday as they wade into to touchy subjects of adoption disruption and adoptee rehoming.  What kinds of things lead to adoption disruption and how common (or uncommon) is adoptee rehoming?  The ladies will talk about various articles on the topics and share some of their own musings about some of the scary topics no one really likes to talk about when it comes to adoption.

The ladies will catch up on their respective homefronts, chat about trash tv, and mayhaps, drop a few recommendations, too!

Tune in live on Thursday, April 16th at 9:30pm EDT/8:30pm CDT on Google Hangouts.  Or catch us later on Youtube, our podcast page, Itunes and Stitcher and be sure to leave us a review!

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