Tag Archives: COVID-19

Pandemic Chronicles vol. 1

Today is my 19th day of “social distancing” and my conclusion is, this is rough.

But of course, it’s a small price to pay for my health and the health of everyone else.

But it is rough.

Last week, I made it to about Wednesday before I hit the total wall slide emotionally. Work is draining me. There seem to be expectations that we all genuinely will be as or more productive teleworking…in the middle of an effing pandemic that hasn’t hit its peak yet and we actually don’t know when it will.

Yeah, I’m totally planning on crunching out data reports, launching some studies and being the all around boss chick!

No, I’m not.

I get up, walk and get dressed every morning. I go through my ever growing things to do list. I try to cram in video chats with my parents, my sisters, maybe a friend or two during the course of the day.

I’ve already lost track of how many Zoom calls I’ve been on because no one just wants to call anymore. By the way, I officially hate video chatting for work. It’s useful, but these last 19 days it has been so overutilized that I can barely stand getting on another one. It’s like the text message that should be an email? Zoom is the video conference that really should’ve been a phone call.

Every work day, I’m figuring out what one task is the most essential thing I have to do that day and what other two, maybe three things are light enough to for me to handle on the same day. The fact that I can only accomplish two things a day fills me with guilt and, frankly a heap of self-disappointment. I’m usually a high performer. My personal standard is extraordinarily high. I and my sisters take enormous pride in the fact that our 100% is a lot of people’s 150%.

And now, I really just am frozen in place. Every day is a struggle to remain functional. I have even not exercised like I normally do this week.

It’s bad y’all.

The reality is that I’m anxious as hell.

I’m preoccupied with people who know people who are sick. I’m afraid about getting sick or Hope getting sick. I’m afraid if I get sick then can Hope really take care of me? I’m worried about how long this will last. I’m worried about how I’m going to deal with not being triggered by Hope’s utter refusal to do what I ask her to do when I ask her to do it (It happens so often I’m just…UGH!). I’m freaked that if my parents get sick the most recent video chat might be our last.

I miss normalcy.

I’m not used to being this kind of worrywart. I don’t like it. So then I feel guilty about it. I’m just a mess really.

I don’t mind working at home. Honestly that’s not the thing—it’s why I’m working from home that is so upsetting.

I only watch the news for about 30 minutes a day. I avoid a lot of internet chatter about COVID-19, even though that’s what everyone is posting about. I have switched up my Instagram to follow dogs, lots of dog accounts. I don’t want to hear a lot of toxic positivity. I don’t want to hear about the Super Christians who just believe that they are immune because Jesus. I don’t want to hear that I should do more yoga, eat better and get some exercise. I don’t want to hear that the new found flexibility of full-time telework should allow me to really maximize effort. I don’t want to hear from exes. I don’t want to think about the two who are already on the other side of the veil.

I actually would prefer not to have to think for a few days.

And this is me after a week off from work. Yeah, that happened barely two weeks ago.

I did renew my online yoga membership. I am ordering yarn from Amazon to start a new, as yet identified project. I’m watching Tiger King on Netflix (Weird!). I’m dancing to DJs spinning on Instagram. I’m playing Boggle with Hope—taking no mercy, but seeing her step her game up to try to best me.  I’m talking to Yappy, who looks at me lovingly. He also has given me a window into the secret life he leads when we’re out of the house. That life includes drinking from the toilet. WTH?

I’m grateful that my therapist has transitioned to an online practice. I have an appointment this week. Thank goodness.

I can’t even imagine trying to do homeschooling and such. One of my sisters is a kindergarten teacher. She’s got 4 kids and is now teaching kindergarten online.

Kindergarten.

Really?

Really.

Like it is just maddening. She’s not really able to homeschool her own littles because it is utter chaos.

My other sister works in IT and is working to ensure that our internet doesn’t go down. She’s on the outside of the bubble. I worry about her a lot.

Ok, I’m starting to ramble, and I’m sure you get the point.

I’m not exactly ok.

I will be, but right now I’m not. I see a mental health day coming soon. Definitely.

How are you all holding up?


Working on Post-Pandemic Bodies

If you follow me on FB, you know that I’ve been dragging Hope on a daily walk since this past weekend. I needed to get out of the house and Hope, who generally loathes exercise, is physically the laziest person I’ve ever encountered. I’m just not wired that way, so I must make her move some during the day.

We’ve been walking between 2 and 3 miles a day. Today we are counting as a rest day since we drove down to Hope’s college to retrieve some of her things. I’m anticipating that she will not be returning other than to pack up the rest of her dorm room.

Yesterday we walked halfway across the nearby bridge which would take us to Maryland. We did make it to the middle of the bridge, which is technically DC.

Hope griped just a little so I DJ’d our walk with my Spotify playlist. We were jamming and the few other walkers and bikers noted how much fun we were having!

Enjoy a few of our highlights!

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Yeah, we’re total hams. It’s keeping us sane and progressing towards post-pandemic/summer bodies! Shout out to all the parents who are struggling during the closures with kids 24/7. I know you love them and that you love the family time. I also know that all that together time can be…challenging! Pro-tip: DJ some of your activities. I promise it will be more fun and more productive!


Life in the Bubble

So, there’s this pandemic.

Holy ish, there’s an effing pandemic!

Ok, so as folks know, we are supposed to be social distancing in hopes of preventing the wildfire spread of COVID-19. The virus was first discovered in China, and despite the country putting folks on lock down weeks ago, the leadership of my country just waved it away. Seemingly no one told the folks in charge that every nasty thing in the world can be at your doorstep in a matter of hours.

So here we are. Schools are shuttering. Colleges are closing and some are kicking students off campus. Small business are struggling and the stock market? Dumpster fire. The latest guidance is don’t even be around more than 10 people at a time.

For those of y’all with big immediate families…well, dang!

Hope has been home from college for a little over a week. She will be here at least two more weeks, though my gut tells me that we will only be going back to clean out her dorm. Her classes are moving online; though one is stagecraft (which she got into last year at school), and I dunno how that’s going to transition. Whatever.

I didn’t initially panic shop. I bought a few extra groceries; after all Hope was home. I reasoned well, I have a few rolls of toilet paper and I’ve got a bidet in my bathroom, we’re good.

Then last Friday, Hope grabbed the last roll of toilet paper, and for those of you who have had the blessing of living with a teenage girl, you know that being down to the last roll of TP on a regular, degular day constitutes a household crisis. So, here we are on DAY 1 of social distancing, and I’m in a full scale panic trying to find TP for sale anywhere nearby. (Shout out to the Target app for accurately telling me what each store had in stock!).

The TP run to Target at opening turned into a panic shopping spree.

A few hundred dollars and a few stores later, I had enough food and coffee to last us a week. I had a new French press, some unnecessary makeup and several pints of low cal ice cream. Later that evening I had to resist the urge to do a run to the local wing place for takeout. Then on Saturday, DAY 3 of social distancing, and I panic scoot into DC buy some herbal medicinal products because I don’t know how long this distancing thing will last and I am not emotionally or hormonally equipped to deal with being home-bound long term, never mind any BS fantasies about such I might have previously uttered.

By DAY 4, Hope’s capacity for levels of lazy not yet seen with the human eye had already irritated me such that I declare that we will take a walk everyday of this distancing thing. There was a reaction.

giphy

via Giphy

And then we went walking. I ignored the incessant whining and gnashing of teeth. We walked 3 miles that day. We walked about 2.7 miles yesterday and another 2 today.

There was a brief moment when Hope attempted to bargain about walk length and frequency. I told her that her bargaining position was weak and reasserted that this is a benevolent monarchy with me the head chick in charge. We were walking daily. Length and time dictated by me.

Yappy is delighted to have his pack all together. Positively over the moon. He’s easy. I did panic shop for him as well. I was low on food and well, don’t we all need new toys and extra treats in times such as these?

I’m enjoying my time with Hope. She has matured a little (seriously it’s only a little but it is noticeable); her vocabulary is improving. She was telling me her thoughts on the movie Parasite, and I listened intently as she shared a pretty sophisticated and layered critique of the movie (she thinks its overrated by the way—by both Asian and American movie standards). She’s still as goofy as ever, but she is way cooler to be around these days. Honestly, she’s content to spend some time with me and retreat to her room, her space, her things. Life with her is different now.

Like everyone else, we are in this bubble. We’re kinda away from the world and kinda not. We video chat family daily. I do fret and fuss over my parents, who both have compromised immune systems. I get to turn off the alarms on my phone. I’m still productive. I’m cooking. There’s still laundry, and until this afternoon, I was working from home. For the next week, I’ll be a slug who walks a few miles a day with her daughter. Hardly anyone is out. We walked during what is normally rush hour; we might’ve seen 100 cars while we were out. Not much traffic at all. I’ve been curating my Netflix queue, knowing I’ll probably just rotate through my usual favorite shows on network TV.

In some ways, this time is reminiscent of the first few weeks home with Hope. I was off on family leave to focus on her (and my) adjustment to this family life. We were in the same home, but gosh the tension, the nervous anxiety, the fear that it wasn’t going to work out, the all out fear about everything. It was exciting and terrifying. Yet, it was us and a dog (The Furry One) just like now. Only now, we are calm. We talk and it’s meaningful but mostly boring. We snuggle on the couch and bicker about what to watch on TV. There’s still a dog, a younger pooch with a big personality and a deep affection for his pack of people. It’s something to reflect on those months in light of our current situation. What we have now is what I dreamed that those months back then would be. It was a silly and misinformed dream back then; there’s a lot of work, living, learning and growing that got us here.

The boredom we experience now is what we always dreamed of…to just be a regular family.

That’s cool.

So far, life in the bubble is thought provoking and a bit of a dream—once I got over the momentary panic.

Sending you all lots of positive energy and good handwashing skills.


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